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How to Meet Emotional Needs

You are putting a value on coupleship after a time when we have been extraordinarily mindful about the individual, the new generation, and the culture of narcissism. You are coming to a time where you are giving the message about the value of bonding, and that it is a good thing to be in a bonded relationship.

Quote from RCA-A 12 step program for Couples by Patrick C., One of the founder's of RCA. Recovering Couples Anonymous

The only requirement for membership in RCA is a desire to remain in a committed relationship

Committed relationships include, but are not limited to, all adult relationships regardless of age, sexual orientation, gender identification, religious background, culture, race, class, national origin, recovery affiliation, physical or mental challenge, or political persuasion.

The RCA Fellowship actively supports VALUING DIFFERENCES both within a coupleship and among couples of diverse backgrounds.


The Characteristics of Functional and Dysfunctional Couples

"Affirmations" for recovering couples can be read here.


Together When You Are Happiest


Recreational Companionship is Boring (Part 1)


Recreational Companionship is Boring (Part 2) #1


Recreational Companionship is Boring (Part 2) #2


Not Enough Time Together #1




Not Enough Time Together #2



Domestic Violence #1


Domestic Violence #2


Domestic Violence #3


Abusive Marriage #1




  Winnipeg, Manitoba  CANADA       October 22nd to 24th, 2004 


How to Survive Infidelity



How to Avoid an Affair #1


Adultery of the Heart


Jesus called this adultery of the heart.There seem to be a number of stages involved.

How to Avoid an Affair #2


The Lovers Perspective on Infidelity #1

Conferences - Boundaries in Dating

Boundaries in Dating with Dr. Henry Cloud Saturday, November 13, 2004 8:30am-2:30pm PT


The Lovers Perspective on Infidelity #2





Learning the Boundaries - Men


10 laws boundaries in marriage


Avoiding misuse of boundaries





Protecting marriage from outside intruders

Conferences - Boundaries in Dating

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Online transcript of discussion


Boundaries in Dating with Dr. Henry Cloud Saturday, November 13, 2004 8:30am-2:30pm PT








The fact that so little energy has been devoted to the exploration of friendship from a psychoanalytic perspective suggests there is something unspeakable about it. I was going to say that, in the light of Freuds experience, the gap was ironic, but I think unspeakable may be nearer the truth. It bears all the hallmarks of a slip of the mind[19] - maybe a defence against the danger of confusing the psychotherapeutic relationship with a more normal friend-to-friend relationship. (Teachers, managers, consultants, social workers, priests, doctors - many roles have their own version of this fear.) However, I think that at this point it will actually be more dangerous for society if psychoanalytic thinkers go on ignoring the theme and leave the field open for the social psychologists (who tend to see it as a set of skills to be mastered and stages to be gone through[20]) or - Heaven forbid! - to the organization behaviourists and management theorists.

I chose the title for this paper because I think the symposium metaphor of crossing bridges could be used to summarize this whole theme of friendship as a manifestation of the capacity to contain or hold. It is not just that friendship can provide a unique type of bridge between people. There is also something special about its load-bearing capacity. A bridge [friendship] across deep or fast-flowing water [the emotions and the unconscious] must reach both banks - and the bank on both sides must be stable enough to hold the tensions.


the opening definition I gave in my first letter of friendship as a mature form of the capacity to contain. It hinges on what is meant by maturity[42]. Mature containment goes beyond seeing friendship as the careful-not-to-hurt-their-feelings kind of relationship of the primary school playground[43]. It has to include the possibility of opposition and challenge too - or, in terms of the Symposiums second metaphor, the readiness to set boundaries. Boundary-setting is, after all, a form of containment.

So the mature element of friendship as containment implies having the capacity to be challenged and to challenge.


Adultery of the Heart

Jesus called this adultery of the heart.There seem to be a number of stages involved.

Reflections by Glass, by Dr. Shirley Glass non Christ

The trauma continues until safety is established. Continuing contact between the unfaithful spouse and the affair partner will delay recovery

The story of the affair must be shared in order for recovery and healing to occur. Lack of discussion will maintain the sense of secrecy which contributed to the intensity of the affair for the involved spouse.




Together When You Are Happiest


Coping with Infidelity: Beginning (Part 1)





Coping with Infidelity: The End (Part 2)


Cant We Just Forgive and Forget? #1

A partner who insists on bringing up past grievances is not feeling nourished by the relationship as it is. As you try to ignore all this and pretend that everything is ok (except for her whining about the past), it is highly unlikely your relationship will improve. If you can accept this reasoning, where can you go from here?

In our experience, couples who are able to regain an alive and trusting relationship after a betrayal go through a number of steps.

In the first stage, many partners who have been betrayed often need to know details: why, where, when, how many times, how many people, etc.

When the details are sufficiently covered and at least some of the major feelings have been expressed, there has to be an apology.

Commitment.com surviving affair

6/16/2002 - Unsent Letters: Words to the Future
How to write, send, and review letters to yourself and others for future contemplation.


Marriage builders

Four Rules to Guide Marital Recovery After an Affair.

Caution - on VERY pro divorce site



ONLY listed 4 these unique articals

Counseling for Closure

Feelings of Isolation

The transitions of separation and divorce can be very lonely times. When you feel isolated, try these suggestions for opening up to friends and family and getting the emotional support you need.

Dealing with Shock and Guilt


Coping with Infidelity: Restoring (Part 3)


Coping with Infidelity: Resentment (Part 4)


Recovery After an Affair



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